Eredien's Journal

Therapy & Mental Health: yesterday, my therapist and I both agreed that I am pretty much done with therapy for right now. I feel happier and way more confident in my life and have mechanisms in place to deal with the bad stuff. It doesn't seem like I was in therapy for more than three years, but it's a different kind of work than I was thinking it was when I went into it, so the time-dilation makes a little bit of sense to me. I am really proud. I still have problems (see below) but I can deal with them in a reasonable manner. I am still taking meds for PCOS and bipolar disorder, which seem to be working really, extraordinarily well.

Home life: my parents are transphobes, my mother explicitly told me that she wants me to settle down with a man or a 'real woman'. Going to have a talk about this with my mother. On other hand, mother does not have cancer again, so that's good.

Creativity: I have gone into my winter creativity phase, which mostly means writing poetry, reading long involved novels, drawing, and sewing (as opposed to my summer phase, which is writing longer works of fiction, reading short stories, gardening, and website design). I am really happy with where I am at in my sewing; it looks more professional every day. Also when I move back to the Boston area I am planning on trying to do my maskmaking/puppeteering internship again.

Fitness/body image: this is slowly progressing. I am going to a weekly meeting that is helping. I have decided that I would rather lose weight and see what that does to my breasts and shape than get top surgery; I don't think I want it anymore and I figure if I do later the procedure will still be there.

Work: I got promoted from intern to part-timer, which means more responsibility and not being paid under the table. Yay for daily structure.

Relationships & Friendships: Long distance relationships with my friends and partners still suck, but I have kind of gotten used to it. I try to see people when I can, which also involves being able to say 'I can't see this person right now' when I can't. My life is much better for the way I now manage relationships that are important to me instead of letting my relationships manage my moods. I had a fantastic minivacation where I got to see A., B., and E. this past weekend and managed to break through some of my remaining psychosexual fears in a big way, which was incredibly rewarding. Things with R and R' are slowly, slowly coming back to a level of friendship I haven't felt from them in years, which is also fantastic. The support of I. through all this has been steadfast not to mention hilarious. I feel really amazed and grateful to have such incredible people in my life.

Food: the biggest change in my life this year has been my deciding two things: I can be veg* at home if I'm not vocal about it--no one will miss me eating cheese or meat if I don't make a big deal out of it--and that I want to start fishing. I went fishing this summer and really found it incredibly relaxing, though I caught close to nothing. I've decided that I will eat what I catch if I can, which is consistent with my overall food philosophy of taking personal responsibility for the things I eat and trying to grow or kill as much of it myself as possible. Next possible food project: keeping rescue chickens?

Moving plans: progressing apace with my bank account (did I mention I'm grateful for my job)? I may move to Boston and commute to Western MA to see B., I may move to Western MA with B. and commute to the semi-Boston area to see A. Still looking for Boston jobs, especially in editing or writing. Really where I live depends on what kind of job I get and what my plans with B. solidify into. We are thinking of getting some kind of cohousing--a shared duplex, or possibly nearby apartments.

Travel: Belgium in 2015 with A. I also actually have a price on my dream trip to Russia/Mongolia/China/Japan and am saving up for that.

Religion/God: I am impressed with the new pope even though I currently consider myself agnostic. I went to Jewish services for the first time last week and really enjoyed all the singing and debate of theology even though I don't believe in the efficacy of prayer as such. Chi work both with and without my partners is going well. Saving up for martial arts again even though my mother considers them unwomanly (another thing to talk with her about).

Ok, I know it's late, but there's only three this year:

Get on a medication that works for my bipolar depression and keep taking it. (This is already started; just have to discuss my med choice w/therapist and start taking it).

Eat fewer processed grains. "Less white flour, more wheat flour." See what that does.

Secret resolution: try new sex thing.

Taking a page from rax:

To buy sooner rather than later:
New SSHD for eee
Glasses (closeup and distance)
Digital Hygrometer/Therm. for Tokai's tank
Printer paper and Ink or professional business card printing 250 cards on order from vistaprint
Updated shade + finial + bulb adapter for restored antique lamp from great-grandmother K-Mart, of all places!
Sheets for my bed
Notary Public Exam Fee

Video games to buy eventually:
Wario DIY Wii
Replacement Pokewalker for the one I lost at the farmer's mkt
Pokemon Black or White?
Okami Wii/DS?
Fire Emblem Gamecube/Wii/GBA?
Gamecube controller for wii

Other stuff to buy eventually:
Silicon Dawn tarot 2x
An apartment
New modular bed+awesome futon mattress of awesome
Mac Webcam xBox Live webcam works natively in Mac for $10. Awesome.
Butterfly Socks

To find:
DS Charger Yeah it was in my DS case ...

To sew:
Dog coat + Hem B.'s jeans
Doll clothes
Baby hat for B. and L.
Bike basket
Redo world's worst-diagrammed crossstitch
Winter hat pack items
Mending

To list on ebay/craigslist:
Freaking model horse collection argh just break into your own storage unit by remembering that your parents' good intentions will never actually lead them to put aside the time to do things they said he would do with you
Spare piano (don't ask); remember shipping deal w/local piano movers Report craiglist scam to craigslist

To write:
Absinthe Writeup
TY notes to people for whom I have petsitted, for asking for a review
WWIA notes digitization
WWIA chap 5
WWIA chap 6
Email replies to friends
Write 3rd stanza Tesla in Love, don't worry about 1st stanza rewrite yet
Writeup and Submit Sumptuary to GURPS company
Movie/Book writeups: Philadelphia Story
Movie/Book writeups: all the crap I read this spring in the hospital (The Picture of Dorian Gray, Winter Triptych, Bird Friendly Building Design, Washington: A Life, Sex on 6 Legs, Jack Reacher novels, Sew-What Pattern Free Bags, Battle Hymn of Tiger Mother, Sound of a Wild Snail Eating, Animals Make us Human, A Fair Maiden, Goon Squad, America: You Sexy Bitch, Off the Cuff, One Man's Garden, At Home)
Ulysses writeup one good book
Gecko article
Revise sword in the hand
write up sword in the hand
post sword in the hand
Review of Dog Stars
Peachberry pie, 3-tomato eggplant parmesan, and stirfry recipe writeup + carrot-saffron risotto and sweet potato soup
Salty Mango Lassi Ice Cream recipe writeup + photo to flickr, LJ
Writeup of MWPAI exhibits

To read:
Finish Hare w/Amber Eyes
Restart Ulysses
Find public-domain bilingual copy of Brothers Dostovesky, read once Ulysses is done

To website:
Catification writeup + submission
Website design - doesn't have to be fancy, check pininterest re: color schemes
Addon website for Paws & Claws petsitting
Twitter design - should mirror website
LJ design - should mirror website - embed?
Upload final foxes video to Youtube, Flickr
Upload historical local house photos to Flickr in new set, email url to historic preservation people
Upload baby shower photos to Flickr, email url to C & B
1 hr Help mom with photo upload/CD burn
Upload B. bd party photos to Flickr, email URL to Bethany
Get Genderplayful setup with winter hat pack items
Email butter lady for mom
Fish photos, drop off camera to process scan in photos, upload to Flickr
Upload cat show photos to flickr
KeePassX

To design:
Business cards for Paws & Claws petsitting

To post:
Business cards for Paws & Claws
Return ASL DVD to library, get ASL book instead

Games:
Take Go books out of the library again, but this time one at a time
Continue playing through chapter-end book questions on Goban
Play Glitch again, determine if I still want my acct. there This game looks awesomer than ever; too bad it's too slow and keeps crashing my browser.

Jobs:
Notary Public Exam
MCPHS? list pro and con, talk with Peg J.
Check w/BMC CDO
IDG Copy Editor Framingham
Cooking vegan shit in Boston
Call back NH library though chances of hiring are slim since budget did not pass Yeah they hired people already
Catsitting gig 13th-Oct 1
Syracuse Public TV
Check out Peace Corps as a committment for various mental health and dietary reasons I don't think this would be a good idea for me at this time; something to keep in mind for future.
Sub. teaching
Hamilton Editing Position
Spring farm cares

Places to volunteer:
Call back zoo Docent Orientation Oct 14th
Call Boston zoos re: volunteer program http://www.zoonewengland.org/page.aspx?pid=242 apply for Keeper Aide when I am in the area
Get back in touch with BMC gender activism people - try emailing admissions again; get in touch with Wellesley & Holyoke alums
to this end call Rachel D. in Albany

Other things to apply to:
Financial aid for NBSS
Application for NBSS for spring 2013 pres. carpentry program
Tufts summer school session again should I again find myself in Somerville
Clarion 2013
Traditional Building Master's Deg. class at Boston Architectural College

Music:
Perform Für Elise for A. and B. while they are here This didn't get done
Finish composing "TimesNR" in Wario DIY & output to interwebs
Relearn Moonlight Sonata
Call Tina re: piano/organ lesson swap for vegan food? Left email for B.
Fix iTunes (Japanese & Russian transcription error correction, add correct composers for Holst & other classical for sort error correction. Upload entire CD library. Transfer cassettes not avail. on Amazon to MP3. Otherwise buy slowly w/change off of Amazon MP3. Sync iPod to use at gym.)

Exercise:
Go to the gym everyday. Use the time to listen to new music and relax. You don't have to prove any damn thing and if someone tries to make you guilty for spending time on yourself screw it.

Health:
Call foodstamps people and say your father is withholding necessary application info from you out of, apparently, sheer and total personal incompetence. Ask for next steps. Don't be embarrassed; It's not your fault the information has been withheld. Remember that getting rid of food insecurity and into food security will help you. You deserve to eat healthily. Read this article as many times as you need to to make the call.

Consult lawyer (K.?) to ask about statute of limitations on ENT doctor in Indiana who pumped me full of allergens after hospitalization Email K. again Look up stuff K advised me to

Call dojo that offers 1st month free + women's discounts to sit in on a muy tai or taichi class 6 pm beginner's class today Save up $ to restart martial arts

Call Alicia for Coffee

Pin down Brenda and mom for cat show times on 16th Sept. Hahaaa this is so not going to be decided until day of, but I try.

Call P. tomorrow re: catsitting 3 pm appt Sun done

Call D.K. re: fixing broken earrings Call Goldmine or Wilcox's jewelers & get rates Bring earring by, get estimate. Pick up fixed earrings

File:
Remaining stuff in filing cabinet.
Remaining email update list.
Combine buystuff email and personal email
Get new addresses for friends; update in Address book. Sync AB with iPod.
Sync AB with Google
Sync email list between private + personal email addresses.
Update all the accounts.
Stop Serbian hacker

Money:
List all accts in Manilia setup
List all accts in Mint
Balance checkbook + savings accts
Begin paying back remaining interest-bearing debts - call if necessary DONE
Begin paying back personal debts

Gender:
Tarot from Orion?
Consult self re: pronouns at end of year?

Sumac Lemonade


Ingredients:
5-10 heads of staghorn or other [non-poison] sumac
Lots of cold water
1-2 c sugar for taste

Equipment:
The biggest bowl you have in your kitchen
The second-biggest bowl in your kitchen
A strainer with small holes
Paper towel or cheesecloth

Take the second biggest bowl and fill with coldish but not frigid water. Tap water is fine.
Grab one of the sumac heads, and sort of twist it like you were wringing out a towel or washcloth. Some of the sumac berries will come off in the water; this is fine. The branches are kind of pointy once the berries are gone, so you may want to wear dish gloves or something to protect your skin.

Keep doing this until the water is a nice pink color--not baby pink, but 80's hot pants pink.

You will now have a bundle of soggy sumac that you can discard in anywhere but the disposal.
Now you have a big bowl of water with berries and little berry hairs and stuff floating in it.

Set the strainer over the biggest bowl and put paper towels or cheesecloth in the bottom. Pour the pink stuff slowly through the paper towel so all the junk gets caught and you are left with a delicious clear pink elixir of summer.

Add sugar if needed; stir; enjoy. Serve in little faceted cups with mint sprigs and cucumber sandwiches if you like, because it just looks like the kind of food that calls for fancy treatment. Or you can just guzzle it straight from the ice tea pitcher. It's delicious.

Yield: about 1/2 gallon approx.

Sumac Simple Syrup
Use this to flavor drinks (?), or pour over waffles, or ice cream, or I guess you could really boil it down to make some hard candy but that seemed to involve more heat so I wasn't really interested.

Make the sumac lemonade above, and before you add the sugar to the whole batch reserve about 2 cups of sumac liquid and add about 1 and 1/2 c of sugar (or stevia, or agave, or whatever sweetener you like). The deal here is to get the sumacwater-to-sugar ratio about 1:3, so that the syrup is not sickeningly sweet but has a syrupy texture, unlike the lemonade.

Boil this down, stirring occasionally, until syrup thickens and turns a slightly deeper pink than the lemonade. You can eat this immediately or you can bottle it--I let this cool for a while, and then when it was cool poured it into a clean glass salad-dressing bottle I rescued from the recycling bin. It looks practically professional, except perhaps for the masking-tape label.

Yield: Makes about 1 c simple syrup after you reserve for the recipe below; if you do not make the ice cream you get about 1 1/2 c syrup.


Vegan Sumac Ice Cream


This recipe assumes you have a battery or electrical powered ice cream maker, and that you have prepared its container by freezing it or whatever else the instructions say to do for your model. Please substitute other nut or non-dairy milks to fit your diet.

1/2 can coconut milk (not coconut water; not cream of coconut)
about 2 c almond milk
1/2 c Reserved Sumac Simple Syrup
Pinch salt

Since you already added and concentrated the sugars in the syrup making process, you do not need to add any more sugar! I would also try this with soymilk but I really liked the subtle blending of the coconut, almonds, and almost lemon-like tones of sumac together. Plus, I had no soymilk.

Heat up the reserved syrup, stirring in the almond milk gently to combine. Add salt.

Just before the milk/syrup mix scalds, take it off the heat and immediately pour in coconut milk.

Cool to room temperature or below. I cheated by putting this near my AC unit but usually I put it in the refrigerator for an hour or two.

Put the cooled mixture in the ice cream maker, and put the ice cream maker in the freezer and start it up. In 24 hours you should have delicious sumac ice cream!

Serves: about 4 scoops; my ice cream maker is small (1 qt). If you have a bigger ice cream maker please scale up this recipe.

I think this would be fantastic with homemade Thai food. The spiciness and tartness of the food would segue really well to this creamy and slightly acidic dessert. This comes out a lovely pale pink/lilac color; very elegant!

Photos Will Follow - I am waiting for the ice cream to freeze so I can take a nice picture in a glass instead of just taking a picture of what looks like lavender soup.

Ingredients:
1/2 block of firm or extra-firm tofu, crumbled
1 TBSP Sammy & Annie's Grandma's Pickled Green Tomatoes, Regular spiciness
1/2 fresh beefsteak tomato because your tomatoes are still too green, chopped
1 TBSP olive oil
4-5 medium fresh shiitake mushrooms, sliced
salt and pepper to taste
about 1 TBSP nutritional yeast
1 green onion, sliced in rounds

Unbelievably, I didn't use garlic in this recipe, although you surely could.

Heat the pan; add the oil at medium heat.

When the oil starts getting all viscous, but before it starts popping, dump in the tofu and green onion. Stir to coat evenly.

When the onion gets a little wilted, put in the salt and pepper and mushroom and tomato. Heat a little more until the tomato is just soft.

Add in the pickled green tomatoes; stir until the oils from the pickled tomato coat it all over. Sprinkle nutritional yeast. Stir and serve.

Serves 1-2 people.

This is incredibly easy and delicious.

I am in Boston this weekend for a friends' wedding (yay!) but before I left I managed to upload 10+ minutes of adorable fox kits video from May 5th.

Unfortunately I was not able to video or photograph the foxes this week as it rained three days and the other day they were just not out. But I saw them around. Still cute!

Going to make breakfast, then rhubarb pie, then fly kies in the park.

I made a new dressing! I think this would taste just as good if you left out the Tobasco sauce.

1 1/2 Tbsp Vegan mayonnaise
3-4 dashes Tobasco sauce
1 Tbsp red rice miso paste
1 heaping Tbsp raspberry-rhubarb jam
1/2 T balsamic vinegar

In bowl or mug, mix mayonnaise and Tobasco.
Add miso paste and stir thoroughly until miso is dissolved.
Add jam and stir unti dissolved.
Add balsamic vinegar to taste/consistency.

Enjoy!
Makes 2-3 T dressing

Look for two more recipes tomorrow!

Oh my Gawd, Becky, look at that pie!

Yesterday night, thomasyan and his girlfriend K.Y. came over and we all cooked handmade soba noodles. They were delicious! They were the first hommade handmade noodles I have ever eaten. Thomas says you can special order the buckwheat noodle making flour from Miso Market in Cambridge.

I cooked a lot of food today, because between bike rides and school visits this week will probably be really busy.
1.) Seitan Cutlets, from the Veganomicon.
2.) Madeira Cake, from Shapter's fantastic book "Bread Machine." Unfortunately, I decided to cook it in the oven rather than in the bread machine, and it did not fully release from the pan. I wound up with a fluffy-topped loaf and a crusty and delicious bottom. However, this was not a loss, because I invented...
3.) Apple Mistake Cake. This is kind of like a tart, kind of like an upside-down cake, and kind of like Tarte Tatin. It's basically layers of thinly-sliced apples, brushed with lemon and vanilla extracts, covered with a dusting of arrowroot powder, covered with a layer of Madeira cake crumbles, then repeat until you run out of apples and Madeira cake. The arrowroot combines with the apple juices and the extracts to make a delicious cakey thing. This is currently freezing, and those who come to the Halloween party will be able to taste it.
4.) Honey Agave Syrup Cake, again from "Bread Machine." Unfortunately, for some reason, this didn't turn out that well, and made only a vaguely sweet vaguely whole-wheaty loaf. Totally edible for breakfast, though, with jam and soy margarine.
5.) Rice Cooker Hearty Chili. I realized that though I hate boiling dried beans, my rice cooker will do that for me, so I tossed some kidney beans and some navy beans in with water and broth concentrate and various spices, and then added tomatoes when the beans were done, and then added rice when the tomatoes were warm. I added in some cubed seitan, and now I have dinner for every night until next week.
6.) Spicy Peach Seitan Grilled Cheese. This is simple: Tortilla, add vegan pepperjack cheese. Fry in lightly oiled pan. Now when the cheese starts bubbling, add a few seaweed strips (or spinach, but I wanted seaweed), some hot peach jam, and some strips of seitan. Another tortilla goes on top. Flip. Eat. Yum.
7.) Whole Wheat Pizza Dough. Again from "Bread Machine."
8.) 4 Small Gourmet Pizzas: All with the whole wheat dough brushed lightly with oil, in various pie pans I had around the house.( I miss my pizza stone.)
- "Chicken" Florentine Pizza: Tomato sauce, nutritional yeast, cubed seitan, frozen chopped spinach, a little balsamic drizzle over the top. Mozzarella vegan cheese.
- Japanese Experiment Pizza: Tomato sauce, cubed seitan, pickled ginger, light drizzle Hoisin sauce, Mozzarella vegan cheese.
- Italian-American Thanksgiving Pizza: Tomato sauce, strips of seitan, nutritional yeast, thin slices of tofurky "smoked turkey" deli slices, dried cranberries, Mozzarella vegan cheese.
- I've Been Craving Mexican for Two Weeks Pizza: Tomato sauce, chunks of seitan, 1 scoop Rice Cooker Hearty Chili, Mozzarella vegan cheese, Pepperjack vegan cheese.

Is it absolutely horrible I still want to make oatmeal raisin cookies?

EDIT: I made the cookies.