Eredien's Journal

...and it is, in fact, happy.

Hanging out on the bed this morning with my fuzzybutt little cat Oolong, I took some time to reflect on my 2013 and 2014 so far, which have been truly astoundingly happy.

I've been writing again (yay, keeping resolutions in advance!). Some long-overdue correspondence to people I care about, some WWIA (the fey novel). It helped, I found, to change up the viewpoint characters and let someone else speak for Chapter 4. Not sure if I'm going to keep it or not--gods is Tam-tam disturbing, but then again he's out of his head--but definitely a good exercise. I feel healthy as a writer--reading things that inspire me, making lists of poems I definitely need to read more of. And, actually, y'know, writing regularly. For the first time in a long, long time.

Did some martial arts over New Year's, which just confirmed that's where it's at for me in terms of exercise and spirituality.

I've been traveling. Went to a lovely burning-man-inspired party for New Year's with A., successfully turned what could have been poly problems into poly opportunities, saw three of my favorite movies (documentary: "Rivers & Tides," anime: "Mindgame" and "Spring & Chaos"), learned some new things about myself, spent some good time with somebody new I like (T.). More traveling scheduled for summer, specifically July, of this year--can't decide if I am doing Firefly and Readercon, or Firefly and a friend's wedding in CO. Is anyone else going to BMC reunion? I honestly don't want to go if my friends won't be there.

My relationship with myself seems healthier than it's been in a long time. Had a dream a few weeks ago about resentment over a close friend's losing weight that really stuck with me, and am turning that resentment into resolve--I want to wear all my genderqueer shiny outfits. Got a new piercing (pic.twitter.com/eKzYGvoDVG)--feel like I am that much closer to looking like the person I am. Am super-comfortable with my body now, due in part to how I've been prioritizing self-care and due in part to some New Year's experiences, and how I'm presenting, even at work, which can be problematic at times. Modern medicine is a frigging miracle. I am not really suffering from SAD this winter for the first time in about a decade.

Work is good. I got a hug and thank you from my boss, and that was really great. I flower under praise, especially because I know I am doing praiseworthy work. Still looking for jobs in the greater Boston area...

....speaking of which, I have made it my goal to move back to MA in 2015. I may not move directly back to Boston proper, but if all works out as I hope it will, that will be because I might be moving in with B. near the Berkshires. A three-hour drive into Boston, and having to deal with the headaches of a car, are small problems if they mean that I only have to drive three hours to see all my chosen-family and friends--the people who matter most to me. I've been driving six or more. It honestly depends on where I get a job. 

A recap of my relationships, for those playing along at home: B. I've known them for over a decade, but our relationship feels both old and familiar and new and deep. They are so joyful and beautiful and playful and giving and just plain good for me that I've recently been contemplating co-parenting a kid with them. A., who continues to be a sexy brilliant mad scientist, hiking partner, and pet. He is my stalwart. Five years has been so deep, and so fast. E., who I am experiencing all kinds of NRE with even though she's on the other side of the country. She continues to wake me up to gender, to spirituality, and to being authentically unafraid to live a complex life. T., a Canadian man <insert Canadian partner joke here>, who I am looking forward to seeing again this summer...
This entry was originally posted at http://eredien.dreamwidth.org/3208.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

2014 Resolutions, early this year.

Save Money to Move: Now that I have a job, I can start saving money again. I've got a life I want to live--travel, good food, books, plans for a home with people I love--and I've got to get away from where I am now, which is unacceptable. Goal: move back to Boston in 2015. <strike>set up direct deposit to bank accounts</strike> and otherwise touch my money as little as possible in 2014.

Exercise, the way I Love: I don't have to spend money on a gym membership I hardly use, sitting there and struggling with body image. I can just start doing tai chi again at home. Better mental (and physical) balance, and it's free. My mother can stuff her reservations about 'unwomanly' martial arts. Goal:enjoy what I do to lose weight and reduce body dysphoria. Exercise an hour a day.

Pay attention to My Creative Life: I thought I'd lost the desire to write. It was hibernating. I love welcoming challenging creative endeavor back into my life. I have a novel, a sestina, and at least three short stories clamoring for completion. Goal: 100 words a day. Don't get overwhelmed; just work at it. The words will add up.


Now, a progress report from 2013:
Goal: Get on a medication that works for my bipolar depression and keep taking it. (This is already started; just have to discuss my med choice w/therapist and start taking it). Result: success. I feel awful that I couldn't do this earlier and hurt a lot of people in my life, but I literally wasn't in a space where I could do this, earlier. I can hold down a job again, and do well at it. My therapist and I agreed that I'm done with routine therapy. Medications and therapy, and my determination to get well, even thought it was born from a deep sadness, helped save my life.

Goal: Eat fewer processed grains. "Less white flour, more wheat flour." See what that does. Result: mixed. I've been eating less pasta and refined grains; more quinoa, oats, and whole grains. It wasn't life-changing, but I've now got a habit of eating a little more fiber now. I'm going to call this a win.

Goal: Secret resolution: try new sex thing. This particular thing did not happen, but I am working on it, and my three loving partners, as well as my astounding group of friends, have made 2013 a wonderful year for me in so many more ways than I can count. I'm grateful to you all. This entry was originally posted at http://eredien.dreamwidth.org/3048.html. Please comment there using OpenID.