eredien: Dancing Dragon (Default)
So, I already sent an email out to those whose emails are in the contact list of my currently accessible gmail account, but for those whose emails are on my other, currently inaccessible, personal gmail account, and for general knowledge:

I am probably moving back in with my family. It remains to be seen if they are amenable to this, or if there is some other kind of plan, but I suspect that's where I will be in a month or so (I technically am paid through Nov. 30th, but obviously hope things resolve much sooner than that).

It is theoretically possible I might get a job, or something, which would make all this moot, but I doubt it's going to happen in this economy. So, I'm planning to move, and if that doesn't happen and I get a job or somebody decides to hire me as their personal chef, or I win the lottery or suddenly find a Picasso, well then, it will be a pleasant surprise.

I am unhappy about this decision for reasons amply detailed in this journal and IRL to most if not all of you, but my landlord, who is generally awesome, agrees with me that one cannot pay the rent in self-knowledge and increased care for oneself, however much one might like to.

If you'd like to talk to me about this, please leave a comment, or email me at my "official" gmail, or Skype or tweet me. Please don't call--my phone isn't working.

Thanks for your love and understanding.
eredien: Dancing Dragon (Default)
I had an extra bit of energy today. I called my parents. The call was going pretty well until I told them I was going to drive back to Indiana to pick up my stuff and they weren't going to be involved in any way, because I didn't want them to be.

It is really very, very useful to be able to understand the exact tropes and language that your parents are using to dismiss your legitimate concerns and problems about your relationship with them.

Today I got:
- I know what your life was like better than you because I happen to have some privilege you don't which of course allows me to see everything that ever happened to you more clearly than you yourself see it ("we're older than you and we have experienced more of life so you should listen to us")

- Don't Ask Questions You Don't Want the Answers To/I Had Problems Too/Tone Argument ("When weren't were there for you?" "Well, how about when you didn't pick us up from school? When you didn't drop us off on time? When you didn't build the treehouse? When you didn't build the dollhouse? When you didn't go skiing or play backgammon?" "When dad didn't come into our apartment and I had to explain to Rachel that he wouldn't tell me why he wouldn't come in, and how that hurt both of our feelings?" "Well...my parents also didn't do things with me that I wish my parents had done. I'm not upset or angry. And your father totally came in and toured the house [lie].")

- Outright denial of my lived experience ("I feel like you weren't always there for me." "We were there for you 110% percent!")

- My personal failings couldn't have impacted you at all, and certainly not in the way that you say they did ("we recognize that we have a problem with procrastination, but that's our problem, not yours")

- I Will Privilege My Interpretation of Events Over Yours, which allows me to Discount Your Point of View as Irrational so that I Won't Have to Solve the Problem that Hurt You ("We had problems with procrastination, but that stuff about being late happened way less than you think it did!")

It's sometimes necessary and good, even if it doesn't feel very nice, to say "Fuck you," and hang up the phone.

Thank you, anti-racism and anti-sexism and anti-homophobia and anti-cisgenderism, and all my friends and family who have encouraged me in my learning even when it's hard. By learning how to get rid of my own prejudices and bigotry, I am also gaining the tools to help myself heal.
eredien: Dancing Dragon (Default)
I will be going to the following events this summer. For more information please see Rax's Journal.

*[livejournal.com profile] rathdei's [[livejournal.com profile] rax's brother] college graduation in Chicago, Jun 19-21
* Anthrocon (Jul 2-5 in Pittsburgh)
* Readercon (Jul 9-12 in Boston)
* Not Worldcon, maybe when I can afford it...

Future travel plans for me include:
* A trip to the VA/DC area in fall or winter with a stop in Philadelphia
* A trip somewhere with [livejournal.com profile] rax
* Fur & Loathing, sometime in November
* A trip to visit my sister and family in NY in fall. Probably early fall.

Are you going to any of these things?