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Well. Life is slightly more back to normal.
I've finished a reading for my cities class (yay!), watched in two hours more television than in the whole past semester, and went to my sister's German Dancing night at the cultural club for Local German People. It was fun, and she dragged me up to dance in some dance where I got dizzy.
My mood was slightly improved by the party on Saturday where I almost got to watch part of Nadesco, and where I sat and talked and played foosball.
My mood was not improved by Sunday, where I managed to blow a committment I'd made to a friend of mine completely off because "I just didn't feel like bowling," a lame excuse for not going to chat at the bowling place when I said I would if I ever heard one.
And then had my best friend come over where she listened to my dad nagging at my sister to do homework, and watched some actor's guild awards, where I heard a great speech about what actors (and by default, writers) do, and then managed to wierd out my friend by, I think, talking at her instead of with her - because I wasn't sure what to talk about anymore, the "how" became a problem. And I felt like an idiot for that, and worse, I am scared that we're growing apart - already - and that soon we're just going to be polite friendly acquaintances. I don't think I could stand that, and I wonder if I'm holding too tightly through fear of letting go.
I realized that I have an absolute terror of losing anyone close to me, and therefore I think I make them upset when I realize this and proceed to attach myself too much onto people. People who read this: if I ever start to cling onto you, please kick me upside the head and remind me that I told you you could do it.
And I wonder if this "I don't really know you anymore" process will eventually happen with everyone I know, which is a terrifying thought which I really should think about but am carefully going to push to the back of my brain instead.
I had a freaky dream about Sharon Rose and I getting bussed to a concentration camp. How hopeful. And then I got up and took the cat to the vet's and looked for jobs.
The cat is fine, and today I am going to go out and actually appear in person at places and fill out more applications, if my dad ever comes back with the car. Oh, here he is now. Breakfast should be in order.
I've finished a reading for my cities class (yay!), watched in two hours more television than in the whole past semester, and went to my sister's German Dancing night at the cultural club for Local German People. It was fun, and she dragged me up to dance in some dance where I got dizzy.
My mood was slightly improved by the party on Saturday where I almost got to watch part of Nadesco, and where I sat and talked and played foosball.
My mood was not improved by Sunday, where I managed to blow a committment I'd made to a friend of mine completely off because "I just didn't feel like bowling," a lame excuse for not going to chat at the bowling place when I said I would if I ever heard one.
And then had my best friend come over where she listened to my dad nagging at my sister to do homework, and watched some actor's guild awards, where I heard a great speech about what actors (and by default, writers) do, and then managed to wierd out my friend by, I think, talking at her instead of with her - because I wasn't sure what to talk about anymore, the "how" became a problem. And I felt like an idiot for that, and worse, I am scared that we're growing apart - already - and that soon we're just going to be polite friendly acquaintances. I don't think I could stand that, and I wonder if I'm holding too tightly through fear of letting go.
I realized that I have an absolute terror of losing anyone close to me, and therefore I think I make them upset when I realize this and proceed to attach myself too much onto people. People who read this: if I ever start to cling onto you, please kick me upside the head and remind me that I told you you could do it.
And I wonder if this "I don't really know you anymore" process will eventually happen with everyone I know, which is a terrifying thought which I really should think about but am carefully going to push to the back of my brain instead.
I had a freaky dream about Sharon Rose and I getting bussed to a concentration camp. How hopeful. And then I got up and took the cat to the vet's and looked for jobs.
The cat is fine, and today I am going to go out and actually appear in person at places and fill out more applications, if my dad ever comes back with the car. Oh, here he is now. Breakfast should be in order.
