Life Redux
2/1/02 23:06![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eredienWell, I did have this typed up in livejournal and almost ready to send once already, but for some reason the backspace key sometimes wreaks havoc with livejournal forms and it deleted the entry. I'm doing the smart thing now - typing it up in a text file and copying it over when I'm done. Sigh.
First, my best friend Evelyn gave me a nifty book by Neil Gaiman (fantasy writer extrordinaire), Stardust, for Christmas...I read it and got slightly inspired and now think I have the makings of a short story. Yay! Well, okay. So I got really inspired. But I can't write like Gaiman - not yet, anyway. So it is only a slight inspiration.
Second, as a kind of Christmas present, my mother has offered to foot the transportation bill for me to go to Boston in a few days to visit some BMC alumni friends and other fun people. I am very happy about this, and very grateful. Go, mom!
Third, a friend of mine whom everyone thought was going to have a crappy and depressing vacation and may have needed to call people at all hours to cry is not having such a bad time of it after all and I am very happy about that.
Fourth, my friend Jen is having a truly shitty life. Her dad's problems have worsened, a thing I thought impossible, and it now appears he has pancreatic cancer. Which is a Terrible Thing. I don't know what to do or say for her and can only sit and listen. Jen, if there's anything I can do, let me know.
Fifth, and finally: I told my parents about my draconity this past Sunday night. It went relatively well, as these things go. This is going to be a long section, so you can .
A few days after I got home, I was talking to my dad, and he said, "if you ever feel like talking about anything with me, or your mom, or both of us together, let us know."
And so Sunday night I took them up on the offer.
Once I got the first sentence out of my mouth ("I feel, and have felt for a while, that my soul is non-human"), the rest of the conversation, while still quite awkward, felt much better to talk about. I told them about how, and some of why, I'd come to the conclusion after years of thinking about it and weighing the alternatives. I told them why I was talking to them and how the idea had even come up in the first place.
They then spoke their piece, saying things like, "if this ever gets to be a problem please talk to someone." (Believe me, if this ever impeded my ability to function normally in RL, I'd be talking to people about that problem before anyone else had noticed it.) But they didn't ship me off to the men in the white coats, and even though they didn't understand, I think, accepted it as much as they could. It is quite a concept to wrap one's mind around, after all. In a nutshell: they're not exactly supportive of the idea and I think that they think I might be going through a particularly long adolescent phase, but they're supportive of me. My mother said, with some bemusement I think, "well, you certainly always have been a different child." And my father said, "I feel reassured that you felt as if you could come to talk to us about this," which was exactly what he needed to say and what I needed to hear at that moment, which convinced me I'd made the right decision. I thank God for giving me the strength.
Oddly enough, once I'd got past the first sentence, I felt little to no fear talking to them...but the next day felt entirely crappy, nervous, jumpy, and scared to a point I've rarely been before. That's gone now, but it was a curious sensation. I don't know whether it was a delayed reaction, my mind taking away the fear so I could talk rationally, or whether it was from it being that time of the month, or both...but it was interesting.
I thank everyone who gave advice, ideas, support, etc. I couldn't have done it without all of you cheering me on.
First, my best friend Evelyn gave me a nifty book by Neil Gaiman (fantasy writer extrordinaire), Stardust, for Christmas...I read it and got slightly inspired and now think I have the makings of a short story. Yay! Well, okay. So I got really inspired. But I can't write like Gaiman - not yet, anyway. So it is only a slight inspiration.
Second, as a kind of Christmas present, my mother has offered to foot the transportation bill for me to go to Boston in a few days to visit some BMC alumni friends and other fun people. I am very happy about this, and very grateful. Go, mom!
Third, a friend of mine whom everyone thought was going to have a crappy and depressing vacation and may have needed to call people at all hours to cry is not having such a bad time of it after all and I am very happy about that.
Fourth, my friend Jen is having a truly shitty life. Her dad's problems have worsened, a thing I thought impossible, and it now appears he has pancreatic cancer. Which is a Terrible Thing. I don't know what to do or say for her and can only sit and listen. Jen, if there's anything I can do, let me know.
Fifth, and finally: I told my parents about my draconity this past Sunday night. It went relatively well, as these things go. This is going to be a long section, so you can .
A few days after I got home, I was talking to my dad, and he said, "if you ever feel like talking about anything with me, or your mom, or both of us together, let us know."
And so Sunday night I took them up on the offer.
Once I got the first sentence out of my mouth ("I feel, and have felt for a while, that my soul is non-human"), the rest of the conversation, while still quite awkward, felt much better to talk about. I told them about how, and some of why, I'd come to the conclusion after years of thinking about it and weighing the alternatives. I told them why I was talking to them and how the idea had even come up in the first place.
They then spoke their piece, saying things like, "if this ever gets to be a problem please talk to someone." (Believe me, if this ever impeded my ability to function normally in RL, I'd be talking to people about that problem before anyone else had noticed it.) But they didn't ship me off to the men in the white coats, and even though they didn't understand, I think, accepted it as much as they could. It is quite a concept to wrap one's mind around, after all. In a nutshell: they're not exactly supportive of the idea and I think that they think I might be going through a particularly long adolescent phase, but they're supportive of me. My mother said, with some bemusement I think, "well, you certainly always have been a different child." And my father said, "I feel reassured that you felt as if you could come to talk to us about this," which was exactly what he needed to say and what I needed to hear at that moment, which convinced me I'd made the right decision. I thank God for giving me the strength.
Oddly enough, once I'd got past the first sentence, I felt little to no fear talking to them...but the next day felt entirely crappy, nervous, jumpy, and scared to a point I've rarely been before. That's gone now, but it was a curious sensation. I don't know whether it was a delayed reaction, my mind taking away the fear so I could talk rationally, or whether it was from it being that time of the month, or both...but it was interesting.
I thank everyone who gave advice, ideas, support, etc. I couldn't have done it without all of you cheering me on.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
3/1/02 02:21 (UTC)I'm still really impressed you came out to your parents like that about being a dragon *grins* I still think you have a lot more courage than I do *snugs*
(no subject)
I'm also sorry to hear about what's going on with your friends.. I hope thigns get better. :|
Thank you
3/1/02 18:15 (UTC)Dragon Debutante