Book of my Common Prayers -- Tenebrae

[eredien]

Please, God, take me away from this house.

The people who live in it are silent when they should speak and speak when they should be silent.

They mistake good intentions for ulterior motives, thinking you're keeping score.

They say things like "I think we raised them wrong" in the hearing of their children, and then when their children overhear and try to explain why that makes them feel bad, they are ignored.

Take me away from this house of twisted words and lives twined too tightly for too long around responsibility formed from guilt rather than love.
**
Part of my safety net, the Losiewices, are moving to London in October. Zara visited them with me once and agreed how cool they are. They're like Sunday at the Chinese resturant--fractious sometimes, delighting in small things, not always entirely organized, but that's okay. Because you love all of them.

London.
At least it gives me an excuse to visit Europe.

My sister is going to Germany. I think she's going to stay there, or at least keep stronger connections there than here.

My parents are apparently getting, in return, a foriegn exchange student here. It's going to be interesting, to come home to a new person. Maybe it will change us for the better.
**
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again.
**
Just started playing on the radio. Wonder if that thing's clairvoyant sometimes.
**
I wonder if I love them. I can't tell.

Comments

[wayman.livejournal.com]

*hug* At least you'll be home again soon.

[trifles.livejournal.com]

I wonder if I love them. I can't tell.

*hug*

I understand.

[raki.livejournal.com]

You can love them, but you don't have to like them.

{hug} I hear you.

[gaudior.livejournal.com]

One week-- hang in there.

And after you graduate, you NEVER HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEM AGAIN. Which doesn't make them go away, nor your feelings about them... but it gives you this amazing measure of control, so amazing that I didn't even notice it until last night; once you're on your own, and not dependent on them, how much contact you have with them is COMPLETELY UNDER YOUR CONTROL. Talk to them once a week, once a month, once a year-- if you're feeling like you can't stand them one second longer, you can leave.

And it would be really nice if this weren't necessary, and your family were actually your family. Price you pay for being interesting and intelligent, I guess. Sorry. Just think-- if you were utterly boring and normal, you might get on with them just fine.

Or not. Either way-- that's why you've got us.

*Firmhug*

--R

[fiddledragon.livejournal.com]

*manyhugs* You'll be back to your chosen family soon.

[weirdquark]

*hugs*

And a repeat of what everyone else said.

And once you graduate, we've got a bed waiting if you want it.

[batshua]

I think I need to give you a hug, too.

*hughug*

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs* I got along with my family _much_ better once I moved out and didn't actually have to talk to them. To echo Weirdquark, you're always welcome here.

-Astarloa