Proud Literature Abuser...
12/8/02 17:47![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eredienThank you, Becky, for this marvelous forward. Save yourselves...it's obviously too late for me. And no, you can't get me to will my books to you. ;)
Are you a literature abuser? Take this test and find
out! How many of these apply to you?
1. I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to
cheer myself up.
Of course!
2. I have gone on reading binges of an entire book or
more in a day.
Try three hours. I read fast. Mostly so I can read more.
3. I read rapidly, often "gulping" chapters.
I always chew carefully.
4. I have sometimes read early in the morning or
before work.
Does "early" count as "I stayed up until four am and might as well keep reading?"
5. I have hidden books in different places to sneak a
chapter without being seen.
I leave them out in the open, thank you very much.
6. Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in
order to read novels.
Depends on what kind of family obligaton. Sometimes I read during said obligations...
7. Sometimes I rewrite film or television dialogue as
the characters speak.
"Paul! How can you say that to me?" *sobbing*
"Easy, dear. This scriptwriter stinks."
8. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless
there is a book nearby.
Sometimes my friends and I read together. :)
9. At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to
read.
See Question 6.
10. Reading has made me seek haunts and companions
which I would otherwise avoid.
Sometimes I sneeze at the dust in old bookstores.
11. I have neglected personal hygiene or household
chores until I have finished a novel.
Okay. Household chores, yeah...but there was only a few hundred more pages to go!
12. I have spent money meant for necessities on books
instead.
I am good about this. Usually.
13. I have attempted to check out more library books
than permitted.
They didn't notice.
14. Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
*waves cheerfully to everyone reading*
15. I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy
reading.
Yup.
16. I have suffered "blackouts" or memory loss from a
bout of reading.
"Oh, I guess I read this last page before. I didn't notice."
17. I have wept, become angry or irrational because of
something I read.
Clarke's "Rama" novels. Enough said.
18. I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
*chuckle*
19. Sometimes I think my reading is out of control.
Didn't Question 18 already ask this? (Sorry. that was my inner editor speaking.)
If you answered "yes" to four or more of these
questions, you may be a literature abuser. Affirmative
responses to seven or more indicates a serious
problem.
Oh, dear....
Decline and fall: The English major
Within the sordid world of literature abuse, the
lowest circle belongs to those sufferers who have
thrown their lives and hopes away to study literature
in our colleges. Parents should look for signs that
their children are taking the wrong path -- don't
expect your teenager to approach you and say, "I can't
stop reading Spenser."
I HATE Spenser. No danger of that here. *goes off with her copy of Yeats*
By the time you visit her dorm
room and find the secret stash of the Paris Review, it
may already be too late.
What to do if you suspect your child is becoming an
English major: 1. Talk to your child in a loving way.
Show your concern. Let her know you won't abandon her
-- but that you aren't spending a hundred grand to put
her through Stanford so she can clerk at Waldenbooks,
either.
What's wrong with that? They give you discounts. ;)
But remember that she may not be able to make
a decision without help; perhaps she has just finished
Madame Bovary and is dying of arsenic poisoning.
2. Face the issue: Tell her what you know, and how: "I
found this book in your purse. How long has this been
going on?" Ask the hard question -- "Who is this Count
Vronsky?"
3. Show her another way. Move the television set into
her room. Introduce her to frat boys.
God, no...!
4. Do what you have to do. Tear up her library card.
Make her stop signing her letters as "Emma." Force her
to take a math class, or minor in Spanish. Transfer
her to a Florida college.
Oh, ouch. :/
You may be dealing with a life-threatening problem if
one or more of the following applies:
* She can tell you how and when Thomas Chatterton
died.
* She names one or more of her cats after a Romantic
poet.
* Next to her bed is a picture of Lord Byron, Virginia
Woolf, William Faulkner or any scene from the Lake
District.
Most important, remember, you are not alone...
Are you a literature abuser? Take this test and find
out! How many of these apply to you?
1. I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to
cheer myself up.
Of course!
2. I have gone on reading binges of an entire book or
more in a day.
Try three hours. I read fast. Mostly so I can read more.
3. I read rapidly, often "gulping" chapters.
I always chew carefully.
4. I have sometimes read early in the morning or
before work.
Does "early" count as "I stayed up until four am and might as well keep reading?"
5. I have hidden books in different places to sneak a
chapter without being seen.
I leave them out in the open, thank you very much.
6. Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in
order to read novels.
Depends on what kind of family obligaton. Sometimes I read during said obligations...
7. Sometimes I rewrite film or television dialogue as
the characters speak.
"Paul! How can you say that to me?" *sobbing*
"Easy, dear. This scriptwriter stinks."
8. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless
there is a book nearby.
Sometimes my friends and I read together. :)
9. At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to
read.
See Question 6.
10. Reading has made me seek haunts and companions
which I would otherwise avoid.
Sometimes I sneeze at the dust in old bookstores.
11. I have neglected personal hygiene or household
chores until I have finished a novel.
Okay. Household chores, yeah...but there was only a few hundred more pages to go!
12. I have spent money meant for necessities on books
instead.
I am good about this. Usually.
13. I have attempted to check out more library books
than permitted.
They didn't notice.
14. Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
*waves cheerfully to everyone reading*
15. I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy
reading.
Yup.
16. I have suffered "blackouts" or memory loss from a
bout of reading.
"Oh, I guess I read this last page before. I didn't notice."
17. I have wept, become angry or irrational because of
something I read.
Clarke's "Rama" novels. Enough said.
18. I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
*chuckle*
19. Sometimes I think my reading is out of control.
Didn't Question 18 already ask this? (Sorry. that was my inner editor speaking.)
If you answered "yes" to four or more of these
questions, you may be a literature abuser. Affirmative
responses to seven or more indicates a serious
problem.
Oh, dear....
Decline and fall: The English major
Within the sordid world of literature abuse, the
lowest circle belongs to those sufferers who have
thrown their lives and hopes away to study literature
in our colleges. Parents should look for signs that
their children are taking the wrong path -- don't
expect your teenager to approach you and say, "I can't
stop reading Spenser."
I HATE Spenser. No danger of that here. *goes off with her copy of Yeats*
By the time you visit her dorm
room and find the secret stash of the Paris Review, it
may already be too late.
What to do if you suspect your child is becoming an
English major: 1. Talk to your child in a loving way.
Show your concern. Let her know you won't abandon her
-- but that you aren't spending a hundred grand to put
her through Stanford so she can clerk at Waldenbooks,
either.
What's wrong with that? They give you discounts. ;)
But remember that she may not be able to make
a decision without help; perhaps she has just finished
Madame Bovary and is dying of arsenic poisoning.
2. Face the issue: Tell her what you know, and how: "I
found this book in your purse. How long has this been
going on?" Ask the hard question -- "Who is this Count
Vronsky?"
3. Show her another way. Move the television set into
her room. Introduce her to frat boys.
God, no...!
4. Do what you have to do. Tear up her library card.
Make her stop signing her letters as "Emma." Force her
to take a math class, or minor in Spanish. Transfer
her to a Florida college.
Oh, ouch. :/
You may be dealing with a life-threatening problem if
one or more of the following applies:
* She can tell you how and when Thomas Chatterton
died.
* She names one or more of her cats after a Romantic
poet.
* Next to her bed is a picture of Lord Byron, Virginia
Woolf, William Faulkner or any scene from the Lake
District.
Most important, remember, you are not alone...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
12/8/02 15:00 (UTC)*grin*
(no subject)
12/8/02 18:50 (UTC)I live in Florida. We have some very good schools in Florida. We also have some good public libraries, and some pleasant used bookstores.
*blink*
This does NOT mean I'm a literary addict, of course. Just because I know every major used bookstore within 90 miles...as do several of my friends and relatives.
Nope, not at all.
The true test of being a literary addict is if you keep running out of bookshelf space.
And no, I'm not going to answer that. :)
(no subject)
13/8/02 18:08 (UTC)(no subject)
13/8/02 19:34 (UTC)i am amused : )
however, the 'solutions' to this are frightening. i think if anyone suggested that seriously to me, i'd have to whack them with a large book. Con Law is good. or Moby Dick. or Shakespeare. or.....
: )
-the IW