But I just feel weird when I'm typing, like I am now, and am having trouble hitting the keys because my fingers aren't *quite* responding in the way that I want them to--my muscles, especially the ones in my hands and in my lower legs, feel *exhausted* all of the time, as if I'd been using them a lot, but not pushing them hard, all the day before. It's not a soreness, really, it's just a lack of strength and--responsiveness. It's like when your computer is busy thinking and you move the mouse around and it follows the motion, but all the positions are a quarter-second behind. That's the only way I can put it that makes sense. And sometimes I go to pick up something and, once I've got it, my hand just opens up on its own, and the thing drops and breaks. It's really, really annoying. But the people I've been to can't find anything wrong and they don't seem disturbed when I tell them my symptoms.
Your wings and tail are manifesting. They're clearing out damage and unwanted energies, and this means they'll dump these energies through whatever channels are available; also, wings tend to link with arms, and tail with legs, apparently due to the shape of the internal "homonculus" brain-map of sensorimotor structures, so these body parts will receive sensations actually coming from the non-physical body parts. This likely explains why your hand will spasm: the wing is twitching. Also, the mis-mapping could easily explain why your fingers aren't hitting the correct keys.
Has your lower spine been sore recently, particularly at or just below the waist? That would be a sign that the tail is clearing damage; same for your back about half a hand-width below the shoulder blades, that being wings clearing out crud. This can affect your posture, causing a hunched over body due to soreness, which will affect your breathing due to a reduced lung and diaphragm expansion, and thus reduce the circulation of oxygen and fresh energies throughout your body.
Make sure you take a walk every day or so, just so you're moving in an upright position instead of sitting in a crouch. Seek more natural settings, as experiences with nature will tend to heal and vitalize. Remind yourself to sit up, and to breathe deeply, despite the pain, as this will help the unwanted stuff to clear more quickly and also bring in more fresh and vital material to supply you.
Keep posting this stuff, even if it's just to figure out for yourself what's going on. Any habit of self-expression will help to heal your voice; and any habit of self-exploration will help to heal your identity. I'm sure you know enough to break out of your habits now and then, to look around for new ways to do things.
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7/9/10 03:53 (UTC)Your wings and tail are manifesting. They're clearing out damage and unwanted energies, and this means they'll dump these energies through whatever channels are available; also, wings tend to link with arms, and tail with legs, apparently due to the shape of the internal "homonculus" brain-map of sensorimotor structures, so these body parts will receive sensations actually coming from the non-physical body parts. This likely explains why your hand will spasm: the wing is twitching. Also, the mis-mapping could easily explain why your fingers aren't hitting the correct keys.
Has your lower spine been sore recently, particularly at or just below the waist? That would be a sign that the tail is clearing damage; same for your back about half a hand-width below the shoulder blades, that being wings clearing out crud. This can affect your posture, causing a hunched over body due to soreness, which will affect your breathing due to a reduced lung and diaphragm expansion, and thus reduce the circulation of oxygen and fresh energies throughout your body.
Make sure you take a walk every day or so, just so you're moving in an upright position instead of sitting in a crouch. Seek more natural settings, as experiences with nature will tend to heal and vitalize. Remind yourself to sit up, and to breathe deeply, despite the pain, as this will help the unwanted stuff to clear more quickly and also bring in more fresh and vital material to supply you.
Keep posting this stuff, even if it's just to figure out for yourself what's going on. Any habit of self-expression will help to heal your voice; and any habit of self-exploration will help to heal your identity. I'm sure you know enough to break out of your habits now and then, to look around for new ways to do things.
I have more advice, but that's up to you.