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Requesting Moving Assistance Tomorrow, Monday, Tuesday, and Weds.
I need people to help me put my stuff in boxes this Sunday night, and Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (all during the day), in preparation for my move back to Central NY. If you can help, please contact me via email at cphillips.sears@gmail.com. I would really appreciate the help, as I am bad at moving and it goes much better and faster with friends' hands to help.
So I am trying to ask for moving help loudly and often, and be clear about what I need.
Tomorrow evening, and during the day on Monday, Tuesday, and possibly part of Wednesday, I will be packing. I would really appreciate help:
a.) Putting objects into boxes
b.) Taping filled boxes shut
c.) Labelling boxes exhaustively with a sharpie.
d.) Moving boxes into a staging area on the first floor of the apartment
If you do volunteer to assist, I will try and have some water, etc., but I will not be emotionally, financially, or physically able to provide meals for you, and I will be concentrating on packing rather than on talking or socializing. Indeed, I want to pack quickly so I have more time for socializing.
Loading the truck will happen on Saturday. I would also appreciate help for that, but for me the large and overwhelming-feeling task is packing.
Please email me at cphillips.sears@gmail.com if you are able to help.
Thanks.
I needed help the last time I made a big move and was put in charge of packing everything up. At first I rejected the task because I knew it was too much for me--I knew I feared it for reasons I couldn't explain at the time--and thought I had to do it alone.
I was reassured that I could do it with help, and would have help and encouragement every step of the way, so I accepted the task even though I knew I was afraid of it, because I learned enough about myself and had enough confidence in myself to know that that's how we grow as people. I truly believed that since I was promised that I would not be left alone to complete a large and important task that I was afraid of, I wouldn't be left alone.
I believed that I could conquer my fear of packing and move past it, having completed it with the energy I bring to life at my best, and the courage I have always had to face my worst demons and find them lacking in true substance once I overcome them. I wanted to challenge that fear. I needed to see it die and wither away. I knew myself well enough to know that I could not adequately complete the task without encouragement, and was assured by people I trusted that I would be encouraged.
Encouragement from my loved partner often materialized, but the form the encouragement took unfortunately often conflated and confused my very real fear of packing with a fear, originally non-existent on my part, of the actual move and subsequent committment to the relationship I was in at the time. I felt my fears surrounding packing were being dismissed, but the dismissal did not make them disappear--they were just slowly overlaid with another fear, the fear that if I did not pack everything correctly, and by myself, that my partner would believe I was afraid of something else far more important than boxes--moving, changing, committing to work together, challenging myself, and growing together in my partnership with her.
These fears combined with the fact that the logistics of the packing task--whose items to pack, when to pack what, what might stay behind, and if we were going to hire movers or not--changed on a weekly basis.
My partner was left questioning my commitment to our relationship through the medium of an undone task that I was faced with completing alone and was not completing, and was afraid that lack of completion meant I didn't really trust in her love for me.
I was left questioning why my partner, who knew that was terrified of the task itself when I accepted it, and knew I had only accepted responsibility for completing it on the condition that I would receive assistance from her, then withdrew the assistance I trusted in her for, continually changed the logistics of the packing task, kept signalling to me that there was a possibility of having outside help to assist me with the task only to inform me that outside help would not be forthcoming after all, and continually asked me if my fear of packing was really a fear of moving, commitment, and change whenever I actually packed anything in her presence, which of course only made every issue worse.
I should have asked more other people for help packing then, but I didn't really uncover the reasons for my fear of packing until I unpacked and set up all major house furniture in less than a week, and realized that it had only taken me a few days to unpack and set up what it had taken me long and agonizing months to avoid.
I had several long talks with my therapist and various friends, and realized that I was scared to have my possessions in a place I could not see them, since I had learned that the best reaction to not being able to find my possessions was to forget about my feelings and attachment to and existence of those objects. This was because as a teenager, my mother secretly stole clothing, etc. from me and got rid of when she thought I should not have them anymore, and I would not have any recourse to get the item in question back, so rather than get angry or depressed at something that happened with some frequency and which I could not control, it was a good idea at the time to just shrug and move on.
This is also the reason why I clean and clear spaces when they're actually fine and I would prefer to spend my time on something else--if I do not have clear and more or less permanent spaces in which to put my possessions and know where they are, I forget I own them, and forget any memories or experiences, good or bad, that have been associated with the use of those possessions.
Obviously, these reactions were no longer good or useful but were in fact actively harmful. So, with my therapist and also close friends, I worked on exploring other options and changing my reaction. I had just come to this theory, and started exploring other options and articulating to my partner my flawed reasoning and what I was actively doing to change my harmful reactions--like making art in my space even when my space wasn't perfectly clean, or asking her to help do household tasks with me instead of trying to do everything myself, which seemed to be working well for both of us--it helped me mellow out and realize that nothing in my life had to be perfect for me to enjoy it, and it got her back into hobbies she enjoyed, such as cooking, as well as some new interests such as birdwatching.
However, I got ill around this time, which caused my family to trigger a lot of abuse issues for me. I tried to talk about this with my partner, but my ongoing anger at my family unfortunately kept triggering my partner's abuse issues, which I was not truly aware of at the time, and the way she handled that triggered more of my own abuse issues. After that time, my partner said she needed to break up with me and additionally requested that I move back across the country, which I did though I was desperately unhappy about the breakup and the move and wanted to fight for both our relationship and our home. I gave up that fight immediately, and simply moved, when I realized she needed me to. It was an immensely hard thing emotionally to give up that fight, but it was not a hard choice to make. It was simply the only right choice to respect myself, my partner, and the love we'd had for each other.
I've had a hard time getting over all of that--there's been a lot--and now I'm moving again, back in with my family, to try and get financially back on my feet.
I'm less scared of moving than I was--I've done it too much, and gotten rid of a lot of my possessions because the memories associated with them meant too much or too little and weren't helping me move forward--but I would still like help.
Thanks. Please email cphillips.sears@gmail.com if you can help.
So I am trying to ask for moving help loudly and often, and be clear about what I need.
Tomorrow evening, and during the day on Monday, Tuesday, and possibly part of Wednesday, I will be packing. I would really appreciate help:
a.) Putting objects into boxes
b.) Taping filled boxes shut
c.) Labelling boxes exhaustively with a sharpie.
d.) Moving boxes into a staging area on the first floor of the apartment
If you do volunteer to assist, I will try and have some water, etc., but I will not be emotionally, financially, or physically able to provide meals for you, and I will be concentrating on packing rather than on talking or socializing. Indeed, I want to pack quickly so I have more time for socializing.
Loading the truck will happen on Saturday. I would also appreciate help for that, but for me the large and overwhelming-feeling task is packing.
Please email me at cphillips.sears@gmail.com if you are able to help.
Thanks.
I needed help the last time I made a big move and was put in charge of packing everything up. At first I rejected the task because I knew it was too much for me--I knew I feared it for reasons I couldn't explain at the time--and thought I had to do it alone.
I was reassured that I could do it with help, and would have help and encouragement every step of the way, so I accepted the task even though I knew I was afraid of it, because I learned enough about myself and had enough confidence in myself to know that that's how we grow as people. I truly believed that since I was promised that I would not be left alone to complete a large and important task that I was afraid of, I wouldn't be left alone.
I believed that I could conquer my fear of packing and move past it, having completed it with the energy I bring to life at my best, and the courage I have always had to face my worst demons and find them lacking in true substance once I overcome them. I wanted to challenge that fear. I needed to see it die and wither away. I knew myself well enough to know that I could not adequately complete the task without encouragement, and was assured by people I trusted that I would be encouraged.
Encouragement from my loved partner often materialized, but the form the encouragement took unfortunately often conflated and confused my very real fear of packing with a fear, originally non-existent on my part, of the actual move and subsequent committment to the relationship I was in at the time. I felt my fears surrounding packing were being dismissed, but the dismissal did not make them disappear--they were just slowly overlaid with another fear, the fear that if I did not pack everything correctly, and by myself, that my partner would believe I was afraid of something else far more important than boxes--moving, changing, committing to work together, challenging myself, and growing together in my partnership with her.
These fears combined with the fact that the logistics of the packing task--whose items to pack, when to pack what, what might stay behind, and if we were going to hire movers or not--changed on a weekly basis.
My partner was left questioning my commitment to our relationship through the medium of an undone task that I was faced with completing alone and was not completing, and was afraid that lack of completion meant I didn't really trust in her love for me.
I was left questioning why my partner, who knew that was terrified of the task itself when I accepted it, and knew I had only accepted responsibility for completing it on the condition that I would receive assistance from her, then withdrew the assistance I trusted in her for, continually changed the logistics of the packing task, kept signalling to me that there was a possibility of having outside help to assist me with the task only to inform me that outside help would not be forthcoming after all, and continually asked me if my fear of packing was really a fear of moving, commitment, and change whenever I actually packed anything in her presence, which of course only made every issue worse.
I should have asked more other people for help packing then, but I didn't really uncover the reasons for my fear of packing until I unpacked and set up all major house furniture in less than a week, and realized that it had only taken me a few days to unpack and set up what it had taken me long and agonizing months to avoid.
I had several long talks with my therapist and various friends, and realized that I was scared to have my possessions in a place I could not see them, since I had learned that the best reaction to not being able to find my possessions was to forget about my feelings and attachment to and existence of those objects. This was because as a teenager, my mother secretly stole clothing, etc. from me and got rid of when she thought I should not have them anymore, and I would not have any recourse to get the item in question back, so rather than get angry or depressed at something that happened with some frequency and which I could not control, it was a good idea at the time to just shrug and move on.
This is also the reason why I clean and clear spaces when they're actually fine and I would prefer to spend my time on something else--if I do not have clear and more or less permanent spaces in which to put my possessions and know where they are, I forget I own them, and forget any memories or experiences, good or bad, that have been associated with the use of those possessions.
Obviously, these reactions were no longer good or useful but were in fact actively harmful. So, with my therapist and also close friends, I worked on exploring other options and changing my reaction. I had just come to this theory, and started exploring other options and articulating to my partner my flawed reasoning and what I was actively doing to change my harmful reactions--like making art in my space even when my space wasn't perfectly clean, or asking her to help do household tasks with me instead of trying to do everything myself, which seemed to be working well for both of us--it helped me mellow out and realize that nothing in my life had to be perfect for me to enjoy it, and it got her back into hobbies she enjoyed, such as cooking, as well as some new interests such as birdwatching.
However, I got ill around this time, which caused my family to trigger a lot of abuse issues for me. I tried to talk about this with my partner, but my ongoing anger at my family unfortunately kept triggering my partner's abuse issues, which I was not truly aware of at the time, and the way she handled that triggered more of my own abuse issues. After that time, my partner said she needed to break up with me and additionally requested that I move back across the country, which I did though I was desperately unhappy about the breakup and the move and wanted to fight for both our relationship and our home. I gave up that fight immediately, and simply moved, when I realized she needed me to. It was an immensely hard thing emotionally to give up that fight, but it was not a hard choice to make. It was simply the only right choice to respect myself, my partner, and the love we'd had for each other.
I've had a hard time getting over all of that--there's been a lot--and now I'm moving again, back in with my family, to try and get financially back on my feet.
I'm less scared of moving than I was--I've done it too much, and gotten rid of a lot of my possessions because the memories associated with them meant too much or too little and weren't helping me move forward--but I would still like help.
Thanks. Please email cphillips.sears@gmail.com if you can help.