Well, now you're aware, so you can use it. I can totally see why you'd go through a bunch of labels during a period of self-discovery; I've decided to label my own understanding of myself, which seems similar to what you describe above, as "genderqueer pansexuality" instead of "bi," but you should of course use whatever terms you have decided to use for yourself.
But you should also know that while your roommates may have been ok with you calling them "fags," most queer people aren't, and find it generally insulting. What terms you choose to use always have meaning outside of how you intend other people to hear or understand them, since other peoples' understanding of those terms is shaped by their own understanding of the world. Some queer people find it ok to use the word to try and reclaim it from its origins as a slur, and some don't. In any case, queer people calling each other fags is different from straight people calling their gay friends fags, generally speaking.
I think it's foolish to assume that the words you know and use and have one meaning among a certain set of friends are always going to have that meaning among everybody else. It's generally best to learn alternative words with a less fraught or loaded meaning so that when you want to talk about queer people, for instance on a friend's blog, you don't end up saying things like "with gays as roomies" and make your friend have to point out your newest terminology kerfluffle while you are trying to apologize for the first one. (Hi.)
I hope that providing you with these resources will encourage you to seek out more info on your own, and hopefully you can accidentally stop coming on my blog to talk about queer issues and being accidentally insultingwith your language at the same time that you're being supportive with your actions and sympathies. The language we use is itself an action, and I know that you didn't know that the terminiology you're using and the way you're using it was insulting, and I have a long relationship with you as a friend, so I decided to take some time and correct you. If it had been some random person on my journal coming on and talking about "fags" and "gays as roomies" and "herms," I would have genuinely thought they were right-with Christians trying to troll me, because the language you use is giving me that impression, and it's totally at odds with the support for the political positions you're trying to convey. You're smart and care about this stuff. Please educate yourself to learn something for yourself and also so that you can take part in supporting LGBTQ people without making it sound like you don't because of the words you're using to describe queer people.
Did you know that mostly the only people I've seen who routinely use "gays" like that are people who are right-wing conservative Christians trying to get GLBTQ people to "change back to straight with the help of God," or other such offensive foolishness? It's generally considered polite to refer to gay people as "gay people," rather than "the gays" or "gays," which is a term that tends to be used deliberately among people who hate me and other queer people in order to strip us linguistically of our humanity and reduce our lives as people to just being about their wrong-headed idea of our sex life.
no subject
But you should also know that while your roommates may have been ok with you calling them "fags," most queer people aren't, and find it generally insulting. What terms you choose to use always have meaning outside of how you intend other people to hear or understand them, since other peoples' understanding of those terms is shaped by their own understanding of the world. Some queer people find it ok to use the word to try and reclaim it from its origins as a slur, and some don't. In any case, queer people calling each other fags is different from straight people calling their gay friends fags, generally speaking.
I think it's foolish to assume that the words you know and use and have one meaning among a certain set of friends are always going to have that meaning among everybody else. It's generally best to learn alternative words with a less fraught or loaded meaning so that when you want to talk about queer people, for instance on a friend's blog, you don't end up saying things like "with gays as roomies" and make your friend have to point out your newest terminology kerfluffle while you are trying to apologize for the first one. (Hi.)
I recommend reading these short articles for some info on updated terms and meanings:
http://www.pflagphoenix.org/education/terminology.html
http://www.pflagphoenix.org/education/terminology_origins_and_evolution.html
I hope that providing you with these resources will encourage you to seek out more info on your own, and hopefully you can accidentally stop coming on my blog to talk about queer issues and being accidentally insultingwith your language at the same time that you're being supportive with your actions and sympathies. The language we use is itself an action, and I know that you didn't know that the terminiology you're using and the way you're using it was insulting, and I have a long relationship with you as a friend, so I decided to take some time and correct you. If it had been some random person on my journal coming on and talking about "fags" and "gays as roomies" and "herms," I would have genuinely thought they were right-with Christians trying to troll me, because the language you use is giving me that impression, and it's totally at odds with the support for the political positions you're trying to convey. You're smart and care about this stuff. Please educate yourself to learn something for yourself and also so that you can take part in supporting LGBTQ people without making it sound like you don't because of the words you're using to describe queer people.
Did you know that mostly the only people I've seen who routinely use "gays" like that are people who are right-wing conservative Christians trying to get GLBTQ people to "change back to straight with the help of God," or other such offensive foolishness? It's generally considered polite to refer to gay people as "gay people," rather than "the gays" or "gays," which is a term that tends to be used deliberately among people who hate me and other queer people in order to strip us linguistically of our humanity and reduce our lives as people to just being about their wrong-headed idea of our sex life.